Family Relationships (Love Series)
Families come in all shapes and sizes. There are biological families, blended families, single-parent families, and adopted families, to name a few. Parents, siblings, children, grandparents, uncles, aunts, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and half brothers and sisters make up small and large families.
Our family influences every aspect of our lives. It is who we are. It is where we originate. We learn our habits, our culture, our faith, our morals, and values from our family circle. We also learn how to love.
Healthy family relationships help children build confidence while providing a secure structure from which to operate. It is within the family where children can learn appropriate behavior modeled by parents. Our family is where we live and learn from day one. In families where children are not present, the focus may be on the couple and possibly extended family relationships like parents, grandparents, siblings, and more. Because the idea of family is so large, and in reality so complex, it is impossible to list all kinds of family relationships. There are even times when very special friends can feel like family, and they too are part of our family circle.
Qualities of a healthy family
A healthy family can be defined in several ways. Within a healthy family there is respect, trust, honesty, support, patience, and care. It is these qualities that help build a solid family relationship.
Respect:
Respect is truly about how we treat others and how we feel about them. It is also how we respect and feel about ourselves. The old adage of “treat others the way I want to be treated” is very valid. Honoring the opinions and ideas of others is a sign of respect. Family members will not always think alike or have the same opinions. It is during those times when respect and understanding must be brought to the surface. It is those times, when family members can communicate openly and honestly while remaining respectful. Respect is not demanded. Respect is earned. Respect develops by how we treat each other.
Trust:
Trust is one of those things that can take a long time to establish, but it can be shattered very quickly. Within family relationships, we place our trust in other members. We trust that others will be there for us. That others will uphold the trust we place in them. Loyalty is part of trust. Consistent loyalty enhances trust. Trust allows us to be vulnerable.
Honesty:
Without honesty, we cannot build trust or maintain respect. Respectful communication helps to build honesty. When we can talk openly, without judgment, in our family relationships, we can truly be honest. It can be difficult to talk openly to our family members. We may feel judged or disrespected. In healthy family relationships, there is honesty, even when it is difficult. There is non-judgement, even when it feels uncomfortable.
Support, Patience, and Care:
It goes without saying, how good we feel when we have consistent support and loving care from our family members. There is a nurturing aspect to both of these. When we provide these to each other within our family settings, we are strengthening our bonds with each other. Our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs are very important. Our family units can provide a beautiful avenue for love and support.
Communication
Family dynamics are highly influenced by either positive or negative communication. Communication is one of the most important skills we can learn. Poor communication can result in arguing, being defensive and shutting down. All family members are impacted by the style of communication that exists within the family unit. Positive communication is about respect and non-judgement. Communication that is open and genuinely honest can bridge gaps and create solid ties for family members. Open communication is not about yelling one’s demands or cutting others off to be heard. Open communication is about listening to understand, not necessarily to reply.
Communication is a two way street between the sender and the receiver. Good communication also involves, not being distracted when others are talking with us, making eye contact and even paraphrasing back what we hear. For example, “Ok what I hear you saying is that you are frustrated with what is happening at school/work.” A solid functioning family will enlist good verbal and non verbal skills.
Acceptance and Love
The art of acceptance is something we can all learn. Finding the good in others within our family will eliminate judgment and create an environment of acceptance. The fact we are all different, and yet so truly unique, allows us the opportunity to develop acceptance. With acceptance comes love. Love of each other. Love of the unity that binds families together.
Dysfunction in the family
Children growing up in dysfunctional families may develop low self-esteem. They may begin to believe their needs are not important. They may grow up to believe they are not important to the family, and in that respect, not important to themselves or others. They may grow up to form unsatisfying, harmful, and stressful adult relationships.
Dysfunction in a family can consist of the following:
Hostility, fighting/yelling/name calling, unresolved conflict, instability, abuse, addiction, perfectionism, lack of healthy boundaries, poor communication, and conditional love.
Along with dysfunction, there can be difficult challenges for families. Financial issues, death, divorce, new job, new home, extended family conflict and more. These difficult challenges may exacerbate other issues within the family unit.
Many families will reach out for therapy and support when the roadblocks become difficult to navigate. Through professional counseling family members can heal and grow into more solid units. What impacts one family member will more than likely impact everyone in the family. As the philosopher Aristotle claimed, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Children who grow up in healthy, functional families, will gain greater self-esteem. They may be able to form healthier adult relationships. They will realize their needs, their opinions, and their position in the family is respected and appreciated.
How to strengthen your family
There are ways to strengthen family. Perhaps seeking counseling is most important depending on the issues and the need for intervention. Other times changing the way the family operates, or how the family communicates, can lead to greater family fulfillment and connection. Any family can benefit from the following:
Good communication, time together for sharing and connecting, giving respect, enhancing trust, appreciating one another and listening well and judging less. Making memories, laughing, loving and having fun is vital to emotional wellness within our families. Sometimes we all need to enjoy the moments of the day. Put aside the issues of work, school and other outside influences. Making time as a family for movie night, game night or a special trip builds memories.
Families, no matter how big or small, no matter how blended or mixed, are the ties that hold us together.
